FROM MANILA, WITH LOVE
The Philippines has been called the mail-order bride capital of the world since the 1970s. Today, the label is still so strongly associated with Filipino women that even a Google search of the word “Filipina” brings up almost a dozen such websites within the first thirty results.
The term “mail-order bride” refers to a woman who submits her photo and profile for display in a catalog or similar publication with the objective of marrying a foreign man. The phrase traditionally conjures images of young, impoverished, undereducated girls involved in “pen pal” relationships with much older, socially-alienated foreign men.
The rapid growth of international matchmaking and marriage websites, however, is challenging the notion of what a mail-order bride is. Linda*, a wealthy 55-year-old single mother who is about to marry an American man she met through the internet, defies all stereotypes of what a Pinay “e-mail bride” is supposed to be. She is a high-ranking officer of a multinational corporation, separated, with two teenaged children.
“Two years ago, I found myself crying in church. I realized I wanted to grow old with someone who could be a father to my kids. I got to know David* through e-mail. He’s an American doctor, divorced, also in his fifties, handsome, kind, has a teenaged son. After one year of communicating over e-mail and webcam, we met in the States. He bought a house for me! He asked to marry me. I decided to take my chances with him because I knew it was impossible for me to find a Filipino man my age who would take me for what I am—old, separated, with two teenagers.” Linda says she would feel offended if someone called her a mail-order bride, “but only because of what that term means for Filipinas.”
Carmen* is another example of the new breed of Filipina internet brides. She just turned forty, has a Master’s Degree, and has never been married. In the last three years, two internet boyfriends from the US came to visit her in the Philippines. Unlike Linda, however, her experiences have been mixed. Her first boyfriend refused to pay for her plane ticket to the US to visit him, while the second one got her to say “yes” to marrying him without disclosing that he still had not divorced his wife in the US. Carmen has not broken the engagement, believing that the technicalities will all work out and her fiancee visa will be approved soon. She is a firm believer in online dating. “If I really don’t want the local guys, how else will I meet the foreign guys?” she says.
Mary Joy* is less well-to-do, less sophisticated, and much younger than Linda and Carmen, but equally determined to find love online. She is a 19-year-old girl from Agusan del Sur who writes that she is “looking a man for married”. She is one of the thousands of Filipino women who have uploaded their pictures and profiles on CherryBlossoms.Com, a website whose internet tag plainly states the type of service it provides: “Mail Order Brides, Russian, Asian, Ukrainian, Romance Tours”. [Author’s note: This tag was changed to “Cherry Blossoms, the 1st Picture Personals for dating, love, romance, and marriage since 1974” shortly before we went to press. This change may have been a reaction to a legal issue, the IMBRA, discussed later in this article.]
Cherry Blossoms is an American company founded in 1974 as a service that enabled women looking for foreign husbands to publish their photographs and personal information in a printed catalog or magazine. It is recognized as the pioneer of the mail-order bride industry, which is booming on the internet with at least 200 websites dedicated to the trade. Internet technology has allowed aspiring brides to correspond with their foreign suitors faster, easier, and more cost-efficiently than ever.
The US Citizenship and Immigration Services (known till mid-2003 as the INS, or Immigration and Naturalization Service) estimates that the number of marriages between Filipinos and Americans who met through internet-based marriage services has doubled over the last decade to almost 6,000 annually.
The growth in Cherry Blossoms’ listings has been even more dramatic. A report prepared by Dr. Robert J. Scholes for the INS in 1998 (before the internet became widespread) documented only 3,050 listings of Filipino women on Cherry Blossoms. As of press time, this number stands at over 26,000, or 77% of the 34,052 total females from around the world listed on the website. Almost half of the Filipinas listed are between 18 to 25 years old. Some 13,846 male profiles are also available, but only 3% are from the Philippines. Majority or 68% of the male profiles are from the United States. Almost half of the American men listed are 45 years old or older.
These figures imply that the bulk of the pairings within the site will happen between Filipino women and American men, who will have an average 20-year age gap between them.
Mary Joy, Carmen, and Linda obviously differ in age, socio-economic status, and personal background. But they represent the growing number of Filipinas who have turned to the internet to meet men. The internet is blurring the lines between “legitimate” matchmaking and the traditional mail-order bride trade, which is considered illegal in the Philippines.
The Philippines is the only country in the world that has a law banning mail-order bride operations. This law was passed in 1990 at the height of media reports of young Filipinas being lured out of the country by the promise of marriage, only to be abused or turned into prostitutes and slaves by their brokers or fiancés. Republic Act 6955, also known as the Mail-Order Bride Act, makes illegal “the practice of matching Filipino women for marriage to foreign nationals on a mail-order basis and other similar practices”.
In most countries overseas, the bride trade is not outlawed. In Russia, for example, “romance tours” (visits by foreign men to meet their marriage prospects in person) take place regularly in top hotels, and are even featured in the media. In 1989, the Swedish Ombudsman Against Ethnic Discrimination also declared the bride trade legal, saying that abuse in a marriage cannot be blamed on the marriage broker, and a free society cannot restrict how people want to meet, or what nationalities they choose to marry.
Since the bride trade was made illegal in the Philippines, marriage brokers re-positioned themselves as “pen pal clubs” that provide photos and contact information to men who wish to befriend (then marry) Filipinas. The cost of one e-mail address ranges from USD 2.50 to USD 15.00, depending on the number of addresses a customer wants to purchase. Package deals for unlimited access are also available for monthly fees of USD 25 and up. Customers are encouraged to write as many women as possible, to increase the probability of finding a good match. Some marriage brokers even provide extra services such as visa support to facilitate immigration for the chosen girls, and romance tours for men to mail-order bride hotspots (Philippines, Russia, Ukraine). At Cherry Blossoms, visa support costs between USD 125 to USD 575, while romance tours cost USD 3,995 each.
Sixteen years after Republic Act 6955 was passed, the Philippines is ironically still one of the top suppliers of mail-order brides in the world. Clearly the Act has not been able to stop the bride trade. Critics of the law even argue that RA 6955 drove the bride trade further underground, making regulation more difficult because activities fell out of the radar screen.
Marriage brokers under fire
On March 6, 2006, a new law regulating the operations of marriage agencies went into effect in the US. The International Marriage Broker Regulation Act (IMBRA) requires marriage agencies to obtain comprehensive background information from their clients before any contact can legally be allowed to happen with potential brides. Among the documents that clients need to submit are criminal records and records of previous marriages.
Marriage brokers protested against this new requirement because it can deter men from using their services. They were further outraged when the IMBRA gave special exemption to matchmaking organizations that don’t explicitly specialize in matching foreign nationals with US residents (although this could still happen through the course of general matchmaking), and who provide the same rates and services to all individuals regardless of gender and nationality. The typical marriage broker that the IMBRA is seeking to regulate charges only the men for their matching services, since the women who sign up with them are usually from lower-income brackets.
An immigration lawyer from the US who specializes in fiancé and alien spouse visa assistance for Latin American, Eastern European, and Philippine brides is at the forefront of the fight against this law. He issued a press release saying, “IMBRA is an unjust law. It does not protect immigrant women from abuse. Instead, it allows the larger corporate sites like Yahoo (Personals) and Match.Com to be exempted from protecting immigrant women from abuse.”
Another agency called FilipinaEyes.Com posted a message on its website stating that, as a result of the new law, it was changing its focus “from an International Dating Site to an information site on the Philippines including the beauty and grace of a life with a Filipina Lady”, and will no longer be selling women’s contact information. The note added that Filipina Eyes expected to be IMBRA-compliant by April 1, 2006, but as of mid-April, its operations were still on hold. It has also joined other agencies to petition for a restraining order against the IMBRA.
Critics of the bride trade say it is an exploitative industry that profits from racist stereotypes and economic inequality. Women from Third World countries are advertised as beautiful and subservient creatures to men from First World countries who have grown disillusioned with strong, independent women.
The dating service EverlastingLove.Com’s description of Filipinas on its homepage is typical of how women from the Philippines are marketed abroad: “educated”, “petite”, “thrifty”, “submissive”, “virgins”, “family-oriented”, “lust-filled lovers, so take your Viagra, Prozac, and vitamins before you get married . . . so you can handle the May-December sex”. It hastens to add that Filipinas “are not, however, mail-order brides, prostitutes, jail bait, child brides, sex slaves, swingers, or any other negative-fetish label you hear thrown about”.
Interestingly, a Filipino woman named Jean is depicted as the webmaster of EverlastingLove.Com. Since IMBRA took effect, the website has also stopped providing women’s contact information to clients. A note from Jean on the site says, “I have been providing free address upon request since 1989 and have had no reports of abuse, but the law is the law. We are not a US site, but advisors feel the USA law could cause future visa application to be denied.”
Because of the sexist stereotypes and imbalance of power that are propagated by the mail-order bride trade, its critics say the marriages that result from it have a higher risk of ending in abuse. Conflict can arise when the man realizes he cannot completely dominate his wife, who is most likely not the meek person he thinks she is if she had enough wherewithal to become a mail-order bride.
Filipina Susana Remerata married American Timothy Blackwell in the late Nineties after writing to each other for a year. Shortly after the wedding, Blackwell began to abuse Susana. She ran away and filed for divorce. In March 1995, as their divorce proceedings were about to begin, Timothy shot Susana and two friends who were with her. Susana was eight months pregnant with another man’s child.
When abuse happens, the immigrant wife is usually the loser, because she has no support structures overseas and her legal status as an immigrant is completely dependent on her husband. Abused immigrant women often don’t seek help for fear of being deported. Filipina Helen Clemente was brought to the US by Eldon Doty through a sham marriage in 1990, then put to work as a maid. It took three years before Helen ran away from Doty and his real wife, and Helen faced continuous threats of deportation years after she escaped.
However, another school of thought points out that sexism, racism, and abuse are not unique to mail-order marriages. There is no proof that traditional marriages are more successful, or experience less domestic violence. In the cultures of countries such as Korea, Japan, India, and China, the arranged marriage or “picture bride” system is even considered the traditional way of getting married.
An alternative feminist view further considers the act of choosing a foreign husband and moving to a different country a positive sign of independence and assertiveness on the part of the woman. Advocates of this view say it is the women themselves who create the demand for foreign husbands. The women who join online dating and marriage websites are not the most destitute and underprivileged in their communities. They are literate, have access to the internet, and are savvy enough to initiate their long-distance love affairs with the goal of uplifting their lives.
There are different viewpoints regarding the bride trade, but most of them lead to the same conclusion. Lack of education on sensible use of online introduction services and immigrant rights have been identified as the prime causes of domestic abuse and illegal trafficking among women.
Through the years since RA 6955 was enacted, the Philippines has repeatedly urged other countries to restrict the business of marriage agencies. However, foreign governments have been reluctant to do anything that might encroach on their citizens’ personal liberties. Even IMBRA itself stops short of declaring a total ban on the bride trade, and only seeks to impose safety measures.
Linda, the 55-year-old Filipina about to marry the American man she got to know through e-mail, reflects on the issue: “Who are we to condemn mail-order brides? Put yourself in the position of a poor young probinsiyana in some barren town. You are educated enough to use the internet, so you are educated enough to know there is no future for you here. You might think of taking a shortcut to a better life by ‘marrying up’. Whether that’s right or wrong, it’s your choice. It’s human nature to want a better life, but it’s you who defines ‘a better life’. In the Philippines, people who are well-off will also choose other well-off people. So if you’re a poor girl, you have to set your sights abroad, and the internet lets you do that. Every avenue for meeting people comes with risks, online or not. You can ban the mail-order bride (practice), but people will always find a way. We might as well teach women how to do it right.”
The bride trade between Asia and the West has existed in some shape or form since the founding days of the North American frontier. It will no doubt continue to grow as the internet speeds up globalization. Since years of the mail-order bride law have proven inutile, perhaps it’s time for the Philippines to focus its efforts elsewhere, such as educating women on prudent online dating and rights of immigrant wives. As long as Filipinas are equipped with this knowledge, there is no reason why their internet marriages cannot have the same shot at success as traditional marriages. The websites they used to find their spouses will no longer be the main issue.
Mail-Order Bride Tragedies
Brought to the US by retired police officer Eldon Doty as a mail-order bride, then put to work as a servant by Doty and his wife Sally. Doty and his wife divorced on paper so Doty could marry Clemente and bring her to the US, then force her to work as a maid. Clemente ran away after three years. The Dotys were able to get immunity from prosecution by cooperating with US immigration authorities.
1995, Susana Remerata Blackwell (Philippines)
Shot by husband Timothy Blackwell as she was leaving a Washington state courthouse. Remerata was divorcing Blackwell after suffering regular physical abuse, and was eight months pregnant with another’s man’s child when she was killed along with two friends who were with her. Timothy Blackwell was sent to prison.
2000, Nataliya Derkach Fox (Ukraine)
Beaten by husband James Fox while breastfeeding their baby daughter. Filed charges against her husband, who settled the case for USD 115,000. Fox was able to erase criminal assault charges from his record after completing an anger management course. He divorced Derkach in 2001, then took a new internet bride, this time from Russia.
2000, Anastasiab Solovieva King (Kyrgyzstan)
Strangled to death in Seattle at the age of twenty by husband Indle King, Jr., who had a record of assaulting his previous mail-order bride. King was about to “import” his third mail-order bride to the US when he killed Solovieva. He was imprisoned.
